tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post923867506920251587..comments2023-07-20T13:36:04.197-06:00Comments on La Parola Vivace: New Poem: for Magpie Tales: Sand and BoatJenne' R. Andrews http://www.blogger.com/profile/15744946229300234443noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-18598684869619079352011-12-14T06:42:42.007-07:002011-12-14T06:42:42.007-07:00Hi Jenne, I think you've tightened this hugely...Hi Jenne, I think you've tightened this hugely. I found the development disorder stuff very jarring as the whole scene is so dreamlike and then it became so laboratorial (if that is a word). Clinical, may be a better one. I also much prefer "triune" as the other such a latinate mouthful. It's a very interesting poem, and manages to speak without the picture (which I think is important.) <br /><br />In general, one issue I have with the whole blogging thing is that everything gets too long. (I mean when I write quickly, I write too much.) You've compressed a lot which is terrific. By too long, I partly also mean that the blogging audience would seem to have a relatively short attention span because it is sifting through so much. That said, I find the dVerse people to really have immense focus--Honestly. Agh. But it's all very different from putting a book together --and as you know, with a book, it's really hard to get readers. K. (This may not be too coherent-- a lot of stuff I'm supposed to be doing at this moment.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-39836517132786284002011-12-12T18:13:38.434-07:002011-12-12T18:13:38.434-07:00Thanks for sharing your drafts Jen. I will have to...Thanks for sharing your drafts Jen. I will have to read a few more times to appreciate the nuance of your words. Intriguing and somewhat mysterious to me.Ann Grenierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13501522748426995035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-77020233896801900782011-12-12T15:02:57.517-07:002011-12-12T15:02:57.517-07:00I like the vision of the man trapped in the sand a...I like the vision of the man trapped in the sand as a mirror...thoughtful piece, Jenne...Tess Kincaidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04889725786678984293noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-71308481450999195272011-12-12T10:57:09.408-07:002011-12-12T10:57:09.408-07:00I am studying your cuts and changes, esp. going fr...I am studying your cuts and changes, esp. going from the Christian of Trinitarian to the Neptune-sound of triune, from the conditional "if we see the man" to the assertive "we see the man", from "the mirages at her back" to the fortress of "fortified mirages at her back". The "tell me he doesn't bear my face" part gave me chills. And I liked feeling the naming of "mirror" approaching in the sounds of "one oar" and "sandbar" and "mirage" and other "urr" and "or" sounds.Kathy Bischopinghttp://drinkthenewwine.blogspot.com/2011/11/all-of-them.htmlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-21804422619957892492011-12-12T01:04:30.560-07:002011-12-12T01:04:30.560-07:00Fine poem Jen. I wonder if we see our faces so cl...Fine poem Jen. I wonder if we see our faces so clearly on others? If we are that aware or buried in denial?Isabel Doylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17974989548030799086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-35774286676179484372011-12-11T18:49:32.485-07:002011-12-11T18:49:32.485-07:00Hi Jenne,
I especially like the last section, th...Hi Jenne, <br /><br />I especially like the last section, the entombment, the assent to yearning, the rescue vessel into our dreams. The beginning too=-the "tell me he doesn't wear my face." There are many many good parts here--the question and mood-- the prompt so particular, I think we've all done drafts of sort that we may wish to compress a bit. But a great deal here--K.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-14359766387637416782011-12-11T18:24:16.450-07:002011-12-11T18:24:16.450-07:00I agree with Mary... and the ending is fabulous!I agree with Mary... and the ending is fabulous!Laurie Kolphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07494759781947881343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-89285798255868893952011-12-11T17:09:34.137-07:002011-12-11T17:09:34.137-07:00These lines stand out: "Tell me he doesn'...These lines stand out: "Tell me he doesn't bear my face./ Say he doesn't wear my face." and "Then is it the qualifier / Or the salt?" <br /><br />I especially like those last seven lines of stanza V, and how you use them to bring us back to the first two lines I mention above. The "master of illusion"? The mirror holds the answer, if we only dare look.Maureenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13290283101378474845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-55014777664348135622011-12-11T14:39:41.586-07:002011-12-11T14:39:41.586-07:00Excellent. Crafted with complexity and unanswerab...Excellent. Crafted with complexity and unanswerable questions.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07366010389846904663noreply@blogger.com