tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post6745610282384373507..comments2023-07-20T13:36:04.197-06:00Comments on La Parola Vivace: New Poem in Draft January 6 -Jenne' R. Andrews http://www.blogger.com/profile/15744946229300234443noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-7925721727013415322011-01-06T13:31:36.244-07:002011-01-06T13:31:36.244-07:00Thanks Claudia-- great to have you and Dawn stop b...Thanks Claudia-- great to have you and Dawn stop by! xxxxjJenne' R. Andrews https://www.blogger.com/profile/15744946229300234443noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-74271874307589881932011-01-06T12:28:53.056-07:002011-01-06T12:28:53.056-07:00first - i loved the title...and i liked the images...first - i loved the title...and i liked the images you use...The long ships of the night on their thunderous wheels..Claudiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03011763027311966186noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-23462873028649788322011-01-06T12:16:24.512-07:002011-01-06T12:16:24.512-07:00Thank you, Maureen and Dawn and Shay...xxxxjThank you, Maureen and Dawn and Shay...xxxxjJenne' R. Andrews https://www.blogger.com/profile/15744946229300234443noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-57841988443466927252011-01-06T11:15:56.847-07:002011-01-06T11:15:56.847-07:00I disagree with Fireblossom: I like the second sta...I disagree with Fireblossom: I like the second stanza quite a bit.Dawn Potterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07500960150846895633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-11632320793037043852011-01-06T09:35:44.409-07:002011-01-06T09:35:44.409-07:00Jenne, your words are so lyrical; the poem moved m...Jenne, your words are so lyrical; the poem moved me deeply. The song in this reverberates, almost lulls with its beauty.<br /><br />I agree with Fireblossom about that first stanza; it's one of the best you've written. My, what an image is created with "Rowing ourselves over ice with our own arms"! The "crown of the oak that scratches the stars" also is lovely.Maureenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13290283101378474845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-28828498632088196012011-01-06T04:51:44.112-07:002011-01-06T04:51:44.112-07:00Thanks-- think we've been reading each other&#...Thanks-- think we've been reading each other's mail? xxxxj must to bed but will live with the draft a few days-- thanks for your suggestions! xxxjJenne' R. Andrews https://www.blogger.com/profile/15744946229300234443noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-487059350883726456.post-62102354793212298792011-01-06T04:48:57.948-07:002011-01-06T04:48:57.948-07:00Are we related? I'm telling you, we share mojo...Are we related? I'm telling you, we share mojo or something.<br /><br />That first stanza is amazing. I especially love the rowing ourselves with our arms part. I also love the spirit tree and the conversation,if you will. The poem as a whole is realllyyyyy good! A blast to read.<br /><br />Um...but since it is labeled "In draft", I am thinking it isn't finished. May I offer two things that struck me? If I'm being annogying, I apologize in advance. Nobody died and made me editor for the western world. Nonetheless, I don't think the second stanza is up to the standard of the rest of the poem, though I like the Harleys and their lost angels. I don't think the repetition of the stars and arcade works. My opinion only. And I think you mean "patois" not patios" near the end.<br /><br />This poem knocks the top of my head off. Forgive me the unsolicited advice, if it wasn't wanted.Fireblossomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07040525704916368792noreply@blogger.com